Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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