Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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