he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
