Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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