Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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