How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
