He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
