i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
