life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
