i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
