he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
