Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
