I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
