Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
