...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist