I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.