If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.