Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy