Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
