I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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