she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just want nice things and good sex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
