I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
