White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
