Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
