i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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