Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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