oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
