hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
