I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
