When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
