When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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