i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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