There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
