so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
