Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
