He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
