pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
