Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
