We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
