he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
