yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize