walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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