Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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