Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
this hospital has no fireball
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
