It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
