We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
