Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
