You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
