I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
