Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
