So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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