..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
