Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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