New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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