Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
