ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
