My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
