Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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