she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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