I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
