I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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