And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
