Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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