I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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