direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
