All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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