Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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