i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
